This chapter is also available as audiobook
Part 1 of this book is your “Authentic Relating Bootcamp”
I will be presenting, as concisely as I can, what you need to know both conceptually and practically to engage the movement and the practice. Specifically:
- Chapter 1 is your first orientation to Circling within the Authentic Relating tradition. It describes the practice from a high-level (or conceptual) perspective: the goals, the logistics, and reasons that you would want to do it. In addition
- In Chapter 2, we unpack and critique Non-Violent Communication through an actual case study, a compare-and-contrast of Authentic Relating and Circling. To do Authentic Relating effectively, you must understand NVC.
- In Chapter 3, we take a deeper dive into the Authentic Relating movement: the history, ways you can engage, the reason it works, why it is so powerful, and the various practices.
- Chapter 4 will explain the two fundamental human needs and how you can “be” and communicate in a way that meets these needs in the people around you, leading you to relational wealth. We also cover the masculine and feminine poles of love, how this relates to Circling, the impact of large-scale developmental trauma, and the powerful practice of “withholds”.
- Chapter 5 covers attitudes and communication patterns (including many examples of what to do and say in groups) which you can use to Circle well and have fun with it.
Those five chapters will give you the required foundation to beginning your journey to becoming a competent relational leader. The rest is just practice. Some people will get it immediately, others (like me) will take years or even decades. It’s all good. Don’t judge yourself.
Part 2 describes the cultural context of the work (hint: they won’t instantly love you to pieces or hail you as a savior)
It is very important to understand the cultural context of your work in relational leadership, because you cannot expect “instant success” here. Do not imagine that everyone will respond well to your attempts at Authentic Relating (which may be initially clumsy), love you to pieces, or hail you as a savior. Indeed, you will probably get quite intense push-back from certain people, especially your family. I will speak in Chapter xxx about the thorny problem of bringing A/R into your family – if you even want to try, which is ambitious.
The problem of doing “Authentic Relating on the street” is complex. The reasons for this relate to the challenge of being authentic and loving in an emotionally illiterate culture, the all-pervasiveness of developmental trauma and the resulting immature compensation, cult psychology. We’ll get into this, and what you can do about it, in Part 2 of this book.
Part 3 we return to practical problems in effective emotional communication
In Part 3 we re-visit different aspects and practices for effective relational leadership and emotional communication. We cover other important topics (such as how to deal with your family) which will guide your practice and help you deal with the inevitable difficulties and roadblocks.
Part 3 is essentially the follow-up to Part 1, as (recall) Part 1 is the summary, “Cliff’s notes” or what I call “the minimal viable story” you need to know to be effective.
I will be giving you lots of examples of the kinds of personal transformations that happen through this practice. I won’t be able to cover all the potential roadblocks on your journey to relational wealth (and from there happiness and power), but hopefully this will be helpful.
