Below is the incomplete, DRAFT version of Relational Power, up to Part 1 (of 3). It is currently being crowd-sourced in terms of reader feedback, writing (soliciting co-authors, case-studies etc), editing and marketing. For this purpose it is being published incrementally, as described in the “Notes” chapter below. When its done (maybe 6 months out, currently Feb. 2024) we’ll find a commercial publisher. I have an agenda to increase visibility of A/R in the mainstream.
The latest edition of the book is below, on the web. You can also get it on Kindle, Paperback, Free download and on audio at Apple Podcast (Search for “Circling And Authentic Relating Guide” on your podcast app). See also latest crowd-sourcing update log.
If you are you potentially willing to give feedback on draft chapters, contribute case studies of personal transformation through the A/R practice, or give Amazon reviews to the draft, then please sign-up to my partners list here:
An Authentic Relating Parable
Two monks, an old one and a younger one, had lived together for many years in a cave. In all that time, they had never had a fight or even a disagreement. They were so poor that all they owned were a few blankets and a single bowl which they shared.
One day, the young monk spoke to the old one: “My dear brother, we have spent many happy years together, but the time has come for me to go. I want us to separate our belongings and since we only have one bowl, let’s break it in two and each take half.”
The old monk replied: “Oh my precious friend, I am sad to hear this, and I honor your choice. But what’s the point of breaking the bowl? Please take it for yourself, I can eat out of my hand.”
The young monk said: “Absolutely not. I don’t want anything of yours, and I don’t want to give up anything of mine. Let’s break the bowl and make a clean separation.”
The old monk looked at the younger one intently, was silent for a moment, and finally said: “As you wish”, and handed him the bowl.
The young monk threw the bowl against the the wall with all his strength, shattering it into a thousand pieces, and yelled: “why won’t you ever fight with me, asshole?”
Moral of this story
Practice Authentic Relating, and save the china.
Table of Contents
Crowd-Sourcing Notes / Current Status
What is Relational Intelligence and Why You Want It: My Story
How I finally got a life (after 40 years of trying)
My Story: From 2016 to 2021
From the fall of 2021 to now
It starts with self-knowledge
Moving forward: how to read this book
PART 1: THE RELATIONAL WEALTH BLUEPRINT: CIRCLING, AUTHENTIC RELATING AND EFFECTIVE EMOTIONAL COMMUNICATION
Part 1 of this book is your “Authentic Relating Bootcamp”
Part 2 describes the cultural context of the work (hint: they won’t instantly love you to pieces or hail you as a savior)
Part 3: Re-visiting effective emotional communication
Chapter 1: First Orientation to Circling in the Authentic Relating Tradition
Purpose of this chapter
Can you learn Circling from a book?
Circling in a nutshell: the goal of Circling
Logistics of Circling
Why Circle?
1. Circling is fun!
2. Circling is developmental
3. Circling is a global movement for creating a better society
The problem of defining and writing about Circling
How it actually works: the “minimal viable Circle”
Vulnerable sharing
Sharings impacts, empathy, and appreciations
Chapter 2: NVC and Circling, how they complement each other; Learning the language of feelings and needs
Introduction to emotional communication, both inside and outside the NVC model
Case study: the OFNR model, and compare-and-contrast NVC and Authentic Relating
The difference between a feeling and a judgment / evaluation
Needs as a gift
Chapter 3: Practical Relational Leadership; our first deep-dive into the movement; Circling as the “love bootcamp”
The ingredients of the “true joy of life”, and how to find them
A brief history of Authentic Relating and Circling
Origins in the Bay Area
So, what happened to Authentic Relating?
Where we stand today
Circling variations, and copyright issues around the “Circling” brand
The practices of Authentic Relating and Circling
Circling (or Authentic Relating with shared context)
Circling versus NVC
Why Circling is so developmental: the “love bootcamp”
What makes Authentic Relating so powerful
Authentic Relating Games
“Invisible Circling”, or Authentic Relating without shared context
Chapter 4: My framework for emotional literacy; The impact of large-scale developmental trauma; Coaching and story-telling in Circling; Emotional charge and the practice of giving withholds
My framework for emotional literacy: the masculine and feminine poles of love
The masculine and feminine poles of love
The Yin and the Yang of Circling: Connection Intent vs. Developmental Intent
Jerry Jud, “love is an intention”, and the Circler / Circlee dynamic
Sexual Polarity according to David Deida and Victor Baranco
The impact of large-scale developmental trauma
Ideas, Story-telling, Advice-giving, and Coaching in Circling and Authentic Relating
The nature of emotional charge and the practice of giving withholds
Understanding the nature of anger
You don’t need to get what you want if you can express what you want
The practice of giving withholds (with shared context)
Chapter 5: Circling best practices: the “living laboratory of love” and how to make it work for you
Circling vs. Authentic Relating
The problem of “Authentic Relating on the street” (aka “Authentic Relating”)
1. Notice feelings and body sensations
2. Connect with the group – up to a point (follow your aliveness)
3. “Get Their World”: Lead from Attention, Curiosity, and Empathy
4. Validate and Appreciate
5. Lead from Vulnerability
6. Share Impact, Offer Reflection and Inquiry
7. Own Your Experience (Communicate Responsibly)
8. Make Right, Not Wrong (Find People Right, Approve of them)
9. Be Impactable
10. Honor Yourself (Handling Conflict)
11. Welcome Everything
12. Slow Down
13. Surrender Gracefully
Conclusion
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(CURRENT BOOK COMPLETION STATUS AS OF DEC 3 / 2022. CHAPTER HEADINGS BELOW ARE JUST DRAFTS / PLACE-HOLDERS)
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PART 2: CULTURAL TRAUMA, CULT PSYCHOLOGY, AND INTEGRAL 2ND TIER CONSCIOUSNESS EMERGENCE
PART 3: REVISITING EMOTIONAL COMMUNICATION: MORE TOOLS AND RESOURCES
APPENDIX A: Authentic Relating Organizations and Resources
APPENDIX B: Other books by Marco
As Lovers Do: Sexual and Romantic Partnership as a Path of Transformation
Circling and Authentic Relating Practice Guide
Broke, Single, Crazy and Old: The Redemption of a Sex and Love Addict
